December 13, 2020
Just here sipping my morning whiskey...reading through UnWed posts.
There’s extra pain here lately. Holidays are an especially hard time for us divorcees and it’s shining through on this page right now.
People talk about the stages of divorce: guilt, anger, awakening...all very valid. I’d also like to point out another set of stages:
- Devastation phase
- Validation phase
- Hoe phase
- The Empty phase
- The Realizing You Want More phase
- The Do The Hard Work Phase
A lot of us struggle to reach that last phase. We circle back up to devastation or validation - because attention is easy and feels good in the moment.
And that’s okay. I get it. I was stuck there for a long time too.
This group is full of ALL the stages, which is why we clash so much.
I want to tell you that I see you.
And wish each of you could feel that you’re loved and enough just as you are.
And that it gets better.
Generally right after it gets worse.
But the better is SO worth the worse.
And when you get there, just know the Hard Work Phase is where the magic happens. It’s the toughest because it never ends and requires us to take an honest look at ourselves, which isn’t pleasant, but the most rewarding and lasting.
In the meantime, take a breath. Scroll past things that trigger you (or if you’re doing the hard work you can pause and look at why you’re triggered and what story you’re currently telling yourself).
And respond with grace even when others don’t.